"Intichrist" and Chinese Water Torture
2003-06-25 @ 11:55 p.m.

Today, after waiting for about a month or so, someone who I have been longing to torment finally came online. This is a girl who considers herself to be a "Satan worshipper", yet cannot even spell the word "antichrist". She refers to herself as the "intichrist", and she honestly thinks she's spelling it correctly.

I had been looking for her screen name for quite some time, and when I finally aquired it, I added it to my buddylist and put an "alert" on it, which notified me if this person ever came online. Today was that fateful day.

And with no further ado, here is one of my most cherished conversations:

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Inti: whos this??
Me: I'm Synopriloth...
Me: I am conducting a study reseaching how long it takes certain types of people to go insane while going through traditional chinese water torture.
Inti: thats nice
Inti: do i know u?
Me: What I need are volunteers to sign up for the FREE chinese water torture sessions
Me: They're FREE!!!!
Me: Usually, each session would run you up about $50, but, with this LIMITED TIME OFFER, you can get ALL the session WE want at NO COST!!!!
Inti: do i soppsot to be intersted???
Me: what is "soppsot"?
Me: oh, you meant "supposed"?
Inti: yeah stop being so perfect
Inti: well anyway
Inti: whats the whole big deal bout this??
Me: Um...ok..."stop being perfect"...I've never been told that before...
Me: Oh, my Chinese Water Torture sessions...
Me: like I said
Me: I'm conducting a study
Me: reseaching how long it takes certain types of people to go insane while going through traditional chinese water torture.
Me: and what I need are volunteers
Me: to sign up for FREE chinese water torture sessions
Me: they're FREE
Inti: and r u telling me i have to do thid??
Inti: this*
Inti: um k
Inti: so its not cost
Inti: right..
Inti: not even s&h
Me: what do you mean...
Me: Chinese Water Torture
Me: it cannot be shipped
Inti: hahah what??
Inti: oh
Inti: so what do u do!!
Me: do you know what Chinese Water Torture is?
Me: Hello?
Me: Are you still there?
Inti: no i dont
Me: Ok, you not knowing what it is is a good thing...
Me: are you interested?
Inti: yeah i guess
Me: We'll be willing to drive you to your first session...
Inti: ok
Me: Ok, this is great
Me: When would it be best for you to start?
Inti: ok
Inti: how bout now
Me: sorry, it can't be now
Me: tomorrow morning, maybe?
Inti: um ok
Me: Ok, I'll send my assistant Hogar to get you...
Me: now, all I need is your information...
Inti: what time?
Inti: u mean at my house??
Me: I suppose, where else would we pick you up?
Inti: i dunno
Me: I'll need your name...
Me: hello?
Inti signed off at 11:49:39 PM.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Obviously her screen name isn't "Inti", but I made it that, because I didn't want people to bother her (yes, sympathy...wow, an emotion I've never felt before). I DO feel kind of sorry for her(wait, it WASN'T sympathy, it was pity...). The fact that she ACTUALLY thought I was serious about that...is, just, um, sad...Anyway, I REALLY like the "shipping and handling" line. Hehehe...

Yes, I chose the "Chinese Water Torture" prank again, I've grown very fond of this one, for the sole reason that not many people know what it is, and everyone ends up getting offended. "Inti" was one of the few people who was actually "interested" in the "sessions". Too bad I didn't get to finish. I didn't even have to bribe her with free day-old cookies, jell-o, or Kool-Aid...I usually have to do that after people tell me to "fuck off".

I'm debating whether or not I should give her a link to this page...hehehe, shipping and handling...wow...she's, um, yeah...


Listening to: "Sally's Song" by London After Midnight

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The Weather Underground - 2008-11-12
- - 2008-05-06
She knows I can read. - 2008-05-06
William Jacobson - 2008-05-02
Lost Boys - 2008-04-30

everything © Claudia (2003-2008)